The Commitments Read online

  — UUH — UUH — UUH — UUH — UUH — UUH

  —That was terrific, ladies, said Joey The Lips. —The Commitmentettes.

  —Well done, girls, said Jimmy.

  —Right now, said Joey The Lips. —Let’s hear The Blanketman.

  Deco had the words on a sheet of paper. James donk donk donked, the girls UUH UUH UUHed and then Deco held the mike in his hand and sang. And sang well.

  —AS I WALK THIS LAND

  OF BROKE —

  EN DREE — EE — EAMS ——

  Deco lifted his voice for single words, then brought it back down again. He stopped before a word (—THIS) and thumped it. He slapped his thigh and tapped the heel of his right foot.

  —I HAVE VISIONS O’ MANY THING —

  INGS —

  —Sisters, Joey The Lips shouted.

  —Wha’? said Natalie.

  —I want you to come in there, okay?

  —How?

  —Joey The Lips sang: —OF MANY THINGINGS. After Declan sings it, okay? ——Right, Brother Deco. ——I have visions.

  —I HAVE VISIONS O’ MANY THING —

  INGS —

  —Sisters!

  —OF MANY THING-INGS, sang the girls.

  —Good good.

  —BUT ——HAPPINESS IS JUST AN ILLU—

  SHUN —

  —Sisters!

  —JUST AN ILLUSION —

  —Good.

  —FILLED WITH SADNESS AN’ CON —

  FEU —

  SHUN —

  —Go with him, girls.

  —WHA’ BECOMES O’ THE BROKE —

  EN HEARTED —

  WHO —

  HAVE LOVES THA’ ARE NOW DE-

  PAR — TED ——

  I KNOW I’VE GOT TO FIND —

  SOME KIND O’ PEACE O’ MIND ——

  BAY —

  BEEE —

  —Right, girls.

  —UUH — EEE — UUH.

  —Wonderful, Joey The Lips shouted.

  He meant it. It had been woeful, but it was a start. Joey The Lips believed in starts. Once you had the start the rest was inevitable. The Lord made sure of that.

  It was three in the morning when they stopped. They concentrated on the same song.

  There were problems. Joey The Lips spent half the night twiddling knobs and yelling at the rest to get away from the amps. There were shrieks and groans and wails from the speakers.

  Billy kept drumming too fast. At half-twelve they found out he’d been messing. Jimmy stepped in and told him off in no uncertain terms. (—You’re a cunt, Mooney.) Derek was lost for a while but Joey The Lips told him just to do what James was doing. That was grand, just the same note three times, one and then the other two together, then the same again, and again right through.

  The girls were suffering by two o’clock. Joey The Lips had to tune Outspan’s guitar for him.

  Jimmy had to take Deco aside and tell him to be patient.

  —Give them a while, said Jimmy. —They’re not ALL naturals.

  —I’ll try, Jimmy, said Deco. —It’s just ——I’m ready, know wha’ I mean?

  Jimmy nodded.

  —There’s somethin’ in me tryin’ to get ou’, know wha’ I mean?

  —I know, said Jimmy.

  —Take it easy though, okay?

  —Okay.

  —Fuckin’ eejit, said Jimmy. (To himself.)

  —Brothers and Sisters, said Joey The Lips at about three. —We have done the good work tonight. Would you all form a circle here, please? You too, Jimmy.

  They were too tired to object. They made a circle and, without being told to, held hands.

  —Good, said Joey The Lips. —Now drop hands.

  They did this.

  —Turn right.

  They did this too. They were still a circle. Each of them was looking at a back. Joey The Lips was in the circle too. He lifted both his hands.

  —Now, Brothers, Sisters, we pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

  They laughed as they patted.

  * * *

  It was the next rehearsal.

  —Okay, James, my man, said Joey The Lips. —Take us there.

  James looked around. Everyone was at battle stations. He started.

  —DUM — DUMDUM —

  Joey The Lips pointed to Billy.

  —CLAH — CLAHCLAH —

  To Derek.

  —THUM — THUMTHUM —

  Once Derek was in James could be a bit more adventurous. He went along with the girls.

  —UUH — UUH — UUH —

  UUH — UUH —

  UUH — UUH — UUH ——

  Joey The Lips clicked his fingers. Outspan was off.

  —CHI — CHICHI —

  Then Deco started to sing.

  —AS I WALK THIS LAND

  O’ BROKE —

  EN DREE — EE — EAMS ——

  It was going well, no mistakes.

  Deco would have to be spoken to again. He’d started spinning the mike over his head.

  The girls were good. Their step was simple; one step right, then back, then right again. They moved together. And they looked well, about the same height and size. Natalie clapped her hands, shook her head, bared her teeth.

  Most of the other Commitments looked comfortable enough.

  Dean looked petrified.

  —I’LL BE SEARCHIN’ EVERYWHERE —

  JUST TO FIND SOMEONE TO CARE —

  I’VE BEEN LOOKIN’ EVERY DAY —

  I KNOW I’M GOIN’ TO FIND A WAY —

  NOTHIN’S GOIN’ TO STOP ME NOW —

  I WILL FIND A WAY SOMEHOW ——

  They all stopped. The record faded quickly there. They didn’t know how they were going to end it.

  Deco kept singing.

  —I’LL SEARCH FOR YOU DOWN ON THE DOCKS

  I’LL WAIT UNDER CLERY’S CLOCK ——

  They cheered.

  Deco stopped.

  —Wha’ was tha’ abou’? Jimmy asked.

  —A bit o’ local flavour, said Deco.

  —Tha’ was deadly, said Derek.

  —Yeh said we were goin’ to make the words more Dubliny, said Deco.

  —It’s just ——yeh should’ve warned us, said Jimmy.

  —It’s good though, said Billy.

  —Very soul, said James.

  —Soul is the people’s music, said Joey The Lips.

  —Only culchies shop in Clery’s but, said Billy.

  —Oh yeah, said Derek. —But, hang on. The clock’s hangin’ off the outside o’ the shop. On the street.

  —Soul is street, said Joey The Lips.

  —That’s alrigh’ then, said Jimmy. —The clock stays.

  They walked home. Seven of the ten Commitments worked. Four of them made it into work the next morning.

  * * *

  The Commitments rehearsed three times a week. After the first few nights they stopped before half-eleven for the last bus.

  Joey The Lips kept them on the easier, less frantic numbers. Chain Gang became their favourite for a while.

  The girls would lift their hammers above their heads, and bring them down:

  —HUH ——

  And again:

  —HAH ——

  And again:

  —HUH ——

  Derek got to sing too.

  He’d growl: —WELL DON’T YOU KNOW before Deco sang:

  —THAT’S THE SOUND O’ THE MEN —

  WORKIN’ ON THE CHAIN ——

  GA — EE — ANG ————

  THAT’S THE SOUND O’ THE MEN —

  WORKIN’ ON THE —

  CHAIN GANG ——

  Deco closed his eyes a lot for this one.

  —ALL DAY THEY’RE SAYIN’ —

  MY MY MY MY MY MY MY —

  MY WORK IS SO HARD —

  GIVE ME GUINNESS —

  I’M THIRSTY ——

  MY — Y — Y —

  MY WORK IS
SO HARD —

  OH OH MY MY MY —

  SWEET JAYSIS —

  MY WORK IS SO HARD ——

  —HUH, went the girls.

  —HAH, went the girls.

  —HUH, went the girls.

  Derek wrapped it up.

  —WELL DON’T YOU ——

  KNOW.

  * * *

  Joey The Lips had them standing in a circle.

  —What’re we doin’ today, Joey? Dean asked him.

  —Well, Brother, said Joey The Lips. —I think we’re going to bring our Soul Sisters to the front.

  —Oh Jesus, said Natalie. —I’m scarleh.

  —Hang on, said Deco. —What’s this?

  —The Sisters are going to sing, said Joey The Lips. —Like the birds of the air.

  —They’re supposed to be backing vocalists.

  —Ah, fuck off, Cuffe, said Billy. —The cunt’s jealous, so he is.

  —Yeah, said Outspan.

  —Sap, said Imelda.

  —Grow a pair o’ tits, pal, an’ then yeh can sing with them, said Billy.

  —Are you startin’ somethin’?

  —Don’t annoy me.

  —Here! said Jimmy. —None o’ tha’.

  The time was right for a bit of laying down the law.

  —No rows or scraps, righ’.

  —Well said, Jim.

  —An’ annyway, said Jimmy. —The girls are the best lookin’ part o’ the group.

  —Dirty bastard, said Natalie.

  —Thanks very much, Jimmy, said Imelda.

  —No sweat, ’melda, said Jimmy.

  —What’ll we sing? Bernie asked Joey The Lips.

  —You know Walking in the Rain?

  —Lovely.

  —I WANT HIM, Imelda sang.

  —It doesn’t exactly have a strong feminist lyric, does it? said James.

  —Soul isn’t words, Brother, said Joey The Lips. —Soul is feeling. Soul is getting out of yourself.

  —But it’s corny.

  —You’re not singin’ it, Specky, said Imelda.

  —It’s wha’ yeh’d call crossover music, Jimmy explained. —It appeals to a wider market. Black an’ whi’e. Redneck an’ Dub.

  —An’ it’s good, said Natalie.

  —You speak the truth, Sister, said Joey The Lips.

  ——We need rain and thunder. ——Brother Billy, you can supply us with the meteorological conditions?

  —The wha’?

  —Rain and thunder?

  —I don’t know abou’ the rain but I can give yeh all the fuckin’ thunder yeh want.

  He attacked the kit.

  —Fuckin’ hurricane if yeh want it.

  Jimmy spoke. —Can yeh rattle one o’ the cymbals gently?

  —Gently? ——Jaysis, I don’t know. ——How’s this?

  —Grand, said Jimmy. —That’s the rain.

  —Good thinkin’.

  The girls were practising a move. They crossed their arms over their chests every time they sang HIM.

  —The wall of sound. Mr Spector’s Wall of Sound here, Brothers, said Joey The Lips. —Brother Outspan, you’re the main man on this one.

  —Fuck! Am I?

  —Stay cool, said Joey The Lips. —Let’s hear it.

  —CHUNGHA — CHUNGHA — CHUNGHA — CHUNGHA —

  —Terrif, said Joey The Lips. —Sisters.

  The Commitmentettes got ready.

  —Rain, Joey The Lips shouted.

  Billy gave him rain.

  —Thunder. ——A bit less.

  He nodded to the girls.

  —DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO—

  DOOO—

  DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO—

  DOOOooo—

  Natalie, in the middle, stepped forward.

  —I WANT HIM —

  —Get up!

  —That’s not funny, Brother, said Joey The Lips. —We start again.

  —Sorry.

  —Rain. ——Now thunder.

  —DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO —

  DOOO —

  DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO —

  DOOOooo —

  I WANT HIM ——

  AN’ I NEED HIM ——

  AN’ SOME DAY —

  SOME WAY —

  WOO OH WOO O —

  O —

  OH —

  I’LL SEE HIM —

  Bernie and Imelda stepped up to join Natalie. They sang together now.

  —HE’LL BE KIND O’ SHY — Y —

  Imelda started laughing but they didn’t stop.

  —AN’ REAL GOOD LOOKIN’ TOO —

  OOO ——

  AN’ I’LL BE CERTAIN —

  HE’S MY GUY —

  COS THE THINGS —

  HE’LL ——

  LIKE ——

  TO ——

  DOO ——

  —Thunder, Joey The Lips roared.

  A cymbal hopped off its stand.

  —LIKE WALKIN’ IN THE RAIN, Natalie sang.

  —LIKE WALKIN’ IN THE RAIN, Bernie and Imelda sang.

  Then they were together again.

  —AN’ WISHIN’ ON THE STARS ——

  UP ABOVE —

  AN’ BEIN’ SO —

  IN LOVE.

  If Outspan had broken one string it wouldn’t have mattered. But he broke two so they had to stop till he replaced one of them and Joey The Lips tuned it.

  —Tha’ was smashin’, girls, said Jimmy. —Fair play to yis. They’ll be eatin’ chips ou’ o’ your knickers.

  —You’re fuckin’ sick, you are.

  * * *

  Things were going very well.

  There were mistakes, rows, a certain amount of absenteeism but things were going well. Joey The Lips was a calming influence on them. It must have been his age. As well as that, they now knew about his past. They’d seen the photographs of Joey The Lips with the stars:

  Joey The Lips and Otis Redding on horses, on Otis’ ranch, Joey The Lips said.

  Joey The Lips on-stage lying on his back, behind him James Brown’s legs, one of them blurred.

  Joey The Lips, with hair, in the studio, Gladys Knight, headphoned, smiling at him.

  Joey The Lips and Marvin Gaye, both in skull caps and caftans, standing in front of a pile of rubble, Detroit.

  There was even one of Joey The Lips with B. P. Fallon, Fallon with his arm around Joey The Lips’ shoulders, half of Yoko Ono’s head in the background.

  And Jimmy had found Joey The Lips’ name in the credits on a few of his albums. (—Is tha’ our Joey? Outspan asked.

  —Yep, said Jimmy.

  —Fuckin’ hell, said Outspan.

  He read the list to Derek.

  —Berry Gordy, Smokey Robinson, Lamont Dozier, Joey Irish Fagan, Steve Cropper, Martha Reeves, Diana Ross and The Lord, Jehovah. ——Who’s he?) When they saw Joey The Lips looking pleased they knew they were doing alright. And Joey The Lips always looked pleased.

  * * *

  Or, Joey The Lips nearly always looked pleased. He looked shocked when Dean found Natalie kissing him.

  Dean wasn’t looking for them when he found them. He was shutting the garage door and they were behind it. He pulled the door in towards him and there they were, Joey The Lips the one up against the wall, which struck Dean as unusual when he thought about it later. Natalie jumped back, leaving Joey The Lips’ right hand holding air. Dean was going to put the door back but Joey The Lips spoke. Natalie had dashed back inside.

  —Do I look different? said Joey The Lips.

  —No, Joey.

  —Good good, said Joey The Lips. —Because you fairly ruffled my savoir faire there, Dean, my man.

  —I, said Dean. ——I thought yeh were goin’ for chips.

  —I am gone, Dean.

  If that was a hint or a plea or an order Dean didn’t know it because he told the lads when he got back inside. He wasn’t ratting. He needed to hear himself saying it. Then he’d be able to believe it.

  —FUCK OFF! said Out
span.

  —Honest to God, said Dean.

  —Where? said Derek.

  —Ou’ there, said Dean. ——Behind the door.

  —It’s not fuckin’ dark yet.

  —I know.

  —My Jaysis, wha’!

  —Fuckin’ hell!

  —HEY, YOU! Deco roared across the garage at Natalie.

  Natalie was filling the girls in on how she’d got on with Joey The Lips.

  —Were you havin’ it off with Joey behind the door?

  —Fuck yourself.

  —Were yeh?

  —What’s it to you if she was? said Bernie.

  —You’re fuckin’ taller than him! Deco shouted.

  This went against nature.

  —So?

  None of the lads could answer that one. It was ridiculous, but it hurt too. Natalie was a good looking, a lovely looking young one, younger than them. Joey The Lips was a baldy little bollix nearly fifty. He wore slippers ——

  For a few minutes The Commitments broke up.

  But Jimmy snapped out of it. It happened when he went from the general to the particular. It wasn’t Imelda Joey The Lips had got off with. It was Natalie. He didn’t fancy Natalie. It was cool.

  —It’s a free country, lads, said Jimmy.

  —God though, said Derek.

  —It’s not on, said Deco.

  He hit the wall, not too hard.

  Billy looked from one face to the next for some sign of hope.

  —It’s like doin’ it with your fuckin’ da, he said.

  —Wha’? said Dean. ——Nat’lie, like? ——Oh, now I get yeh. ——Yeah.

  Outspan asked Dean a question.

  —Tongues?

  —O’ course.

  —I’m goin’ to be sick.

  —That’s fuckin’ cat, tha’ is, said Derek.

  —Come on, lads, said Jimmy.

  He slapped his hands together.

  —Cop on, come on. ——Joey’s one o’ the lads.

  —He’s a fuckin’ oul’ fella.

  —He’s not like other oul’ fellas.

  —He’s exactly like other oul’ fellas.

  —Do other oul’ fellas play in groups? said Jimmy. —Did your oul’ fella play with The Beatles?

  —My da’s got better taste than tha’.

  Dean laughed.

  —Look, said Jimmy. ——Look. ——He’s older than us, righ’. But he’s not married, remember. So he’s as entitled to move in on a bird as we are. ——An’ fair fucks to him.

  He meant it.

  —Jimmy’s righ’, men, said James. —It’s horrible, but true.

  —It’s not ——fair though, sure it’s not?

  —I suppose it’s not, said James.

  —O’ course it’s fuckin’ fair, said Jimmy. —Look, righ’, you could’ve tried to click with her yourself. But yeh didn’t. An’ Joey did. So fair fucks to him.